"There is no such thing as work-life balance. Everything worth fighting for unbalances your life."
Alain de Botton
"How one walks through the world, the endless small adjustments of balance, is affected by the shifting weights of beautiful things".
Elaine Scarry
Three years ago, when I lost my New York City gallery, my life seemed as though it had a new large empty space with nothing to fill it. How that has changed! Now I feel that there's not enough time in a day, and not enough energy, to do all that I'd like to accomplish. It's especially difficult during summer, when there's the garden to attend to, the lawn to mow, and much more socializing than in winter. The serious reading I used to do is now on the bottom of the pile made up of my various art endeavors: painting, photography, textiles, printmaking, all calling for attention, each of which I love.
And then of course, the computer sits atop it all, with my blogging and photography; with Facebook, and reading the news online. Is de Botton correct in saying worthwhile things unbalance your life? I prefer thinking in a way closer to Scarry; there is a constant shifting, weighing, balancing, of things beautiful and not, but paying attention to beauty can keep us grounded. The most important thing I've realized, and that I am attempting to teach myself, is to choose something to do each day––whether painting, or printmaking, or making dinner for friends––and relax into it; don't spend time worrying about the long list of chores I have to do; do one thing at a time and give it my attention. And don't be concerned if I don't get everything done. Calm, relaxed, accepting. I haven't yet learned the lesson completely (oh, it's so much easier to worry!) but I'm working at it. Do you have a strategy to balance all the things in your life?
UPDATE: My friend, the poet David Budbill pointed me to a quote by Thích Nhat Hahn quote, which goes to what I was feeling:
If while washing the dishes, we think only of the cup of tea that awaits us, thus hurrying to get the dishes out of the way as if they were a nuisance, then we are not "washing the dishes to wash the dishes". What's more, we are not alive during the time we are washing the dishes. In fact we are completely incapable of realizing the miracle of life while standing at the sink. If we can't wash the dishes, the chances are we won't be able to drink our tea either. While drinking the cup of tea, we will only be thinking of other things, barely aware of the cut in our hands. Thus we are sucked away into the future––an we are incapable of actually living one minute of life.
No balance...no goals...just one step at a time.
ReplyDeleteR Henry, Yes! one thing at a time and give it attention. I don't know if I'll ever get to the "no goals....no balance" mind. If I say it's a place I'd like to be, then I'm setting a goal aren't I?
DeleteIt is kind of a happy circumstance that the never ending choices are between things you want to do. Your depiction of the balance is perfect.
ReplyDeleteI love your quotes – completely relate and agree. I only recently realised that 'fighting' for balance won't get me anywhere. Letting go of expectations just might.
ReplyDeleteAltoon,
ReplyDeleteI feel and experience exactly what you are describing...and find myself nodding in agreement with you. Like you, I'm trying to see my many passions in synchronicity with each other, instead of in competition...not easy. Each love demands focused devotion, which excludes another love, at least for a time. But you have articulated the solution well - if we work to experience what we do with full attention, then pleasure enters because the focus allows us space. I'm loving your posts and your photos...and finding spaciousness in them.
Thanks so much, Deborah and vygieblog and Anne, for your interesting and supportive comments. I know we all go through this experience, so it's good to hear from you.
ReplyDeleteAltoon, I love your strategy of choosing and focusing on one thing each day. I have a few self-imposed daily demands that are non-negotiable: morning prayer, capturing some aspect of the world around me with my camera, and creating a blog post. There are many things that I do less than satisfactorily (including the prayer, photography and posting on some days), but I've learned to overcome my need for perfection, and I'm growing into being able to enjoy the process, no matter what it is.
ReplyDeleteCheryl, although I do choose a thing to do each day (for instance this morning is for painting), I usually also have more than one thing to do aside from this primary activity. I slip in some photos, a walk, a stroll through the garden to check on things. But the point is not to be worrying about all I'm not doing while doing the one thing; "enjoying the process" is so important.
DeleteAfter reading each morning's blog I pose the question you broached this morning! Unbelieveable that you reply as if you have heard me. I have recently moved to island life where one fourth of the population are artists. by living in a more rural setting, (we now have just under 2 acres), thought that this would be perfect for delving into my multiple interests in art. Heaven knows there are enough groups to attend to inspire, teach and support me- However I find myself standing and observing the deer that wander the property, listen more closely to the birds-(amazing how many layers of song one can hear when you pay attention), a resident garter snake has my attention too Playing with the earth is required every day. Summer is a fleeting flurry of activity outdoors. I remind myself that fall/winter follows soon enough. Learning to take one day at a time-appreciate the gifts of the day or the moment. Difficult for an impatient 'want to do it all' woman! If rushing around the resulting quantity is not as satisfying as quality. Slowly I too am learning the lessons you so truly addressed this morning. Thank you for your daily thoughts.
DeleteThank you, Sue, for your contribution. It sounds as though you're having a wonderful life. Those lessons are hard to learn, hard to really absorb; I come and go out of that calm place, but it gets easier as time goes on.
Delete"For I Will Consider My Cat Jeoffry" ....... Christopher Smart
ReplyDeleteI don't know if you know this poem, Altoon but I've loved it through the decades & if we could only have followed Smart's example human evolution would have progressed faster than Darwin's wildest imaginings.
Thank you for pointing me to that quite remarkable poem, tony. I will think of my cats differently now, as prayerful beings.
DeleteSlowing down and not always thinking of what needs to be done is the secret to life. But it is hard to remember and even harder to do. Having spent so many years at a newspaper with multiple deadlines every day, I find it almost impossible to change those habits. I manage to do it for a few days and then I go crazy trying to catch up. I keep trying to make myself have more slow days per week than fast days hoping that someday it will happen without trying so hard!
ReplyDeleteIt is definitely hard to remember, Ms. Wis. I can be good for a few days, then the anxious worrying returns. So much to do! it'll take many years to learn to be calm about it all.
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